Innocence Lost to Darkness
by Avelera
Summary: A story about Vierna at her first year at Arach-Tinilith. How the only daughter of Zaknafein lost all but the tiniest portion of her soul to the darkness of Menzoberranzan and Lloth. COMPLETE
1. The Child

Innocence Lost to Darkness  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Vierna Zaknafein, Menzoberranzan or Matron Malice. They belong to RA Salvatore. The Song is Acoustic #3 by the Goo Goo Dolls and also doesn't belong to me.  
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Vierna Do'Urden sat with her knees drawn up to her chest and her head cradled in her hands in the surrounding area near Arach-Tinlith. In human years she would have been approaching adulthood but here, in the lightless caverns of the drow, she was barely more than a child. Only a few weeks before had she been brought to begin her education in the ways of the Priestesses of Lolth and only now had she found enough spare time to be by herself, to think her own thoughts without the icons of the Spider Queen bearing down at her.   
  
The painted up you secrets, with the lies they told to you  
And the least they ever gave you  
Was the most you ever knew  
  
She knew what she had to do. She had to learn as quickly as she could, become the best so as to bring more power to House Do'Urden.   
But she hated it here! Her mind cried out that this was wrong, that the Spider Queen was an evil deity, why else would people fear her so much? One look at Menzoberranzan showed that if their deity had brought them this, then they should cast her out.   
It went against everything she had been taught all her life to think these blasphemous thoughts about Lolth. She blanched slightly at the thought of the goddess somehow reading her mind and shuddered, hugging her legs close to her body.   
  
And I wonder where these dreams go  
When the world gets in your way  
  
She wanted to get out, to leave Menzoberranzan, but where would she go? To the surface, where evil faeries and the sun awaited. Even staying in Menzoberranzan seemed a better fate then those.   
  
*They drove us out!* A voice hissed in the back of her mind, as she remembered all the lessons she had been taught about the surface elves. They would not accept her, a drow.  
  
What's the point in all this screaming?  
No one's listening anyway  
  
Once, when she was very small, she had gone up to her mother and asked her why things were the way they were. Her mother had explained with pride that it was thanks to the power of Lolth that things were like this. When Vierna had asked why that was good, her mother's eyes had flashed and the snake whip had been out to deliver a single stinging blow before young Vierna could react. Never had she questioned the spider queen aloud again.  
  
Your voice is small and fading  
And you hide in here unknown  
And you mother loves your father  
'Cause she's got no where to go  
  
"I hate this place," Vierna sniffled to herself. The only person who seemed to understand her was the weapon's master, Zaknafein, but they had never spoken. But sometimes when she would look around in utter disgust as a drow would, for no apparent reason, kill a kobold or even another drow, she would see him out of the corner of her eye, nodding gravely, his eyes filled with the same anger.  
She knew the weapon master was her mother's consort now. Did her mother really love him, or not? Maybe her mother had been like Vierna long ago, and maybe that's why she had chosen Zaknafein. Maybe she knew how much the Weapon Master hated Menzoberranzan as Vierna knew.  
  
And she wonders where these dreams go  
'Cause the world got in her way  
What's the point in ever trying  
Nothing's changing anyway  
  
If her mother had ever been like her, Vierna knew that it was Lolth that had changed her. But was it for the worst? How could one survive in the Underdark if you were not ruthless and did not have a ruthless deity?  
  
They press their lips against you  
And you love the lies they say  
And I tried so hard to reach you  
But you're falling anyway   
  
*Yes, that was it,* she thought. Perhaps embracing Lolth was the only way. If Vierna did she would no longer be alone, no longer flinch when drow and lesser creatures were killed. She would no longer have to care.   
She looked at the majestic spires of Arach-Tinlith, deciding she no longer wanted to be the odd one out. She *would* study the ways of Lolth and she *would* bring honor to House Daermon Nashezbaernon and she would survive.  
  
And you know I see right through you  
When the world gets in your way  
What's the point in all this screamin'  
You're not listening anyway  
  
From the shadows outside the high fenced area Zak watched as Vierna walked back towards Arach-Tinlith with determined strides. The same smile he often saw on Matron Malice's face across her lips. Inside he wept, knowing he had just lost his daughter.  
  
A/N: The first version of this was squashed with a lot of grammatical errors so I finally decided to trim it up a bit. Please review, its so disheartening when one only gets a few and I'm in a bit of a fan fiction-flunk right now with Fallen from Grace. Recommendations, ideas and constructive criticism very much welcomed. Again, please review and thanks to everyone who did on the first posting! 


	2. Shattered Dreams

Innocence Lost to Darkness: Chapter 2  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me; they belong to RA Salvatore and Wizards of the Coast Forgotten Realms. I am making no profit off of this story.  
  
Author Note: This was originally supposed to be only a paragraph long description of Malice finding out about Vierna's blasphemy in the previous chapter so that this story would be bumped up to the top of the Forgotten Realms category again. A hug or a least a polite handshake to all those who reviewed the first chapter: thank you so much! There was also supposed to be a song running through this story ("Quasimodo" by Lifehouse) but after I brushed it up a bit it didn't quite fit the story line as well as I had intended. It's still a good song though and I don't think it would hurt to listen to it before reading this fic. As I state at the end of this chapter: please review this. It's not my best work to date but I did work hard on it and it's nice to get some acknowledgement.

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Inside her own room back in House Do'Urden, Vierna paced anxiously from side to side. Her first day home since she had entered Arach-Tinilith, nearly six months since she had first resolved to give up her naïve beliefs in goodness and devote herself to her clerical studies. Yet she had found it harder then she thought it would be. The ritual sacrifices and constant prayers to the Spider Queen had begun to grate on her nerves leaving her agitated and feeling contaminated at the end of each day. Even the surface seemed somehow preferable to this living hell.  
  
Sometimes when she had completed all of her duties for the day her mind would wander inevitably to thoughts of Zaknafein. She marveled that though she was surely his daughter they had never exchanged more then two words her entire life. Sometimes she would imagine conversations with the weapon master. She would confront him and tell him how much she hated Menzoberranzan and he would nod gently and say he had always felt the same then, like the father she had never had, he would gather her up into his arms and make all of the misery go away. Sometimes the ending would change, where he would take her far away from Menzoberranzan to a city where Lloth did not rule and family members did not slay one another in hope of raising their social status by a hair's breadth. The daydreams made Arach-Tinilith bearable and gave her some goal besides raising her rank to focus on.  
  
But now the moment she had been waiting for half a year was upon her. As Zaknafein passed by on the way to his chambers she would pull him to the side and reveal all to him. But she felt no excitement at the coming moment, only the nervous twisting of her gut in anticipation.  
  
Muted footsteps made their way down the hallway. At this time of day it could only be one person. Her leapt up and opened the door a sliver.  
  
There he was! Twin swords sheathed at his side, seeming almost to dance gracefully along the hard stone floors as he walked, was Zaknafein. He was just passed her door when her hand snaked out and grabbed his upper arm, yanking him into her room. With a muffled oath he stumbled in and yanked a dagger from his boot, the blade stopping barely an inch away from her heart. His eyes widened in surprised before he quickly sheathed the dagger and bowed low to her.  
  
"Mistress Vierna," he said.  
  
"Rise, Father," Vierna said breathlessly. Now that he was here her self- assurance seemed to vanish, leaving her tongue dry. He slowly straightened, a flicker in his eyes the only hint that he was surprised by the title she had bestowed upon him.  
  
"I...uh..." she said gracefully. His emotionless gaze was unsettling, it seemed to reach into her soul and examine all of her thoughts. Worst of all, those eyes didn't seem to care about what they saw. The silence built until suddenly something snapped in Vierna.  
  
"I...oh, it wasn't supposed to happen this was!" she cried. Suddenly all the tension, all the horror, all the anger that had been pent up over the years seemed to break loose in one humiliating sob. She turned away, her shoulder shaking as she hiccoughed, mortified by her own weakness. Behind her Zak stared in silent astonishment, unsure whether he was supposed to comfort her or flee lest she try to punish him for seeing her thus. For on that fateful day six months ago he had promised himself never to become involved with any of his children again and so he stood there waiting for Vierna to compose herself.  
  
Vierna turned back to him, "Oh, Zak... it's so horrible! The drow and....and Menzoberranzan and everything." Another sob tore through her body. "I tried, I really tried to be like.... like mother and Briza but I...I hate it here, and you're the only one who understands. It wasn't supposed to happen this way! You... were supposed to say something, to take it all away, to understand!"  
  
The shock of these words nearly knocked Zaknafein off his feet. Wounds of the heart that he had thought closed long ago seemed to open on their own accord. Damn her! Why did she have to remind him? Why didn't her soul die that day and make life easier for both of them? It had been so easy to ignore his only child as if she had never been born. Not to allow the heartache of when she inevitably lost her innocence and became no better then her bloodthirsty mother affect him. Not to have to hope against hope that somehow, someway she would survive Arach-Tinilith. Yet here she was, asking for the one thing he had hoped she would ask since he had learned of her birth and the one thing he feared she would ask. One suffering drow in House Do'Urden was bad enough but if Malice was to learn that he had passed on his heretical legacy on to Malice's third child there would be hell to pay.  
  
His lack of response shocked Vierna back into reality. Wiping her tears against the back of her hand she took a few deep breaths in effort to control herself. "So silly of me, to think that you would understand. We barely even know each other yet here I am pouring my heart out to you," she laughed weakly. "For all I know you could be just as bad as the rest or you could kill me and do House Do'Urden a favor by it them of a heretic," she tried to smile but all it did was refill her eyes with hot tears that trickled down her face in rivulets. For a long time they stood there, avoiding each other's gaze, until Zaknafein felt it was finally his turn to speak.  
  
"Vierna, ," he said, she glanced up in surprise. "My daughter. Once, I allowed myself to think this way and it almost got me killed many times. It may be the end of me yet. Long ago I decided to become an assassin. To kill drow, especially drow priestesses, every chance I get. Oh, believe me, I enjoy it. To feel their hearts shudder and cease to beat at the tip of my sword is my only joy in life." Vierna's eyes widened and shock and Zak's own heart twisted at the thought of what he must say next. "Yours are foolish dreams of an ignorant child. Give them up before they can destroy your life and soul as they destroyed mine. Someday I might find you, a high priestess, at the tip of my sword and I will relish it even as it kills me to see you become so. Either that or I will kill you here and now, damn what your mother will do to me, rather then see you corrupted and destroyed."  
  
Every word hit Vierna like a dagger through the heart. Within a few moments he destroyed all her hopes and dreams leaving her an empty husk filled with bitter loss and despair. Yet he went on and the pain became numbing.  
  
"Yes, you are my daughter, but I'm not here to take you from this place because there is no other place. You are a priestess of Lloth though you are yet in training and it is my life-long goal to kill every priestess who crosses my path when I may. This does not exclude you. Now, with your permission, I ask to be dismissed," he said bowing. Vierna stared blankly head, not twitching a muscle. Slowly she nodded and Zak left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.  
  
As soon as he left her legs gave out from under her and she collapsed into a heap. Wailing like a wounded animal she beat her fists on the floor, the tears she had thought spent burning down her cheek. Rage and griefed ravaged her body and in this darkest of times she called upon the only deity she knew, praising her yet cursing her in the same breath. Darkness consumed her soul, a darkness that would never lift and in that moment she pledged herself to Lloth, reveling in the oily sweetness that bathed her mind and body.  
  
This was true power. No more pain, no more fear, nor more hopes or dreams. Lloth did not ask for her pity or her sympathy but only for her soul, which she gave willingly. From the ashes of the innocent; Vierna, Priestess of Lloth, stepped out to greet the world.  
  
Despite his composure when he left the room, Zaknafein found that he could barely stand when he left. Had not all his tears been spent long ago he would have wept as he stumbled down the hallway back to his chamber. Collapsing in exhaustion on his bed he closed his eyes trying to banish the image of his daughter, barely more then a child, her eyes filled with horror and her cheeks wet with tears as one by one he shattered her illusions.  
  
Now all the more he hated Menzoberranzan for stealing the only thing that mattered to him, his child. Oh, how he had wanted to take her away from it all, to bring her someplace safe where she could grow up without fear. But it was not to be. Just as his frenzied thoughts began to calm an animal- like shriek rent the air. At first he thought it must have been some sort of beast in terrible pain until he distinguished the voice as that of his daughter. It rose in pitch, becoming a keen of despair and loss then suddenly went silent.  
  
Zak leapt from the bed and raced down the hall, fearing that it was too late and she had taken her own life. Halfway there he stopped as a dark chuckle sounded just out of hearing. It grew louder until it was full throated laugh far too booming to come from the voice of a young female drow. Just as he reached Vierna's door it burst open and out she walked, bristling with purple energy and clothed in the robes of a priestess of Lloth.  
  
Zaknafein's heart died in his breast as he watched her go, realizing that the blood of his innocent daughter now stained his hands.

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So ends the final chapter of Innocence Lost to Darkness. I am currently entertaining the notion of writing a biography for Vierna in which I may continue along this line of thought. Please review, this story means a lot to me and I'm in a bit of a funk fanfiction-wise and need some inspiration to write more.

For in-depth information on future fics and updates delete the spaces from the link below or you can find it on my author page.

http: games. groups. yahoo. com/ group/ Avelerafantasy /


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